A few weeks ago I made a list of what I thought my husband was planning to ask of me as soon as I was a full time farm wife, but it dawned on me this week that I have every opportunity to use this time at home to accomplish a lot around here - through him. Last week I posted a picture of our lawn, and the grass was taller than my son. My husband read it, thought it was funny, and then promptly mowed the grass before the continuous rain set in.
Then it clicked. He does this often. This winter I never chopped wood. I rarely opened a gate. He suggested times when we should socialize with other people. Now, let me be clear. He hasn’t actually socialized with anyone yet, but we’re getting there. These were all things I mentioned in the blog. When I write about something that annoys me, or the many things that annoy me, one out of ten of those complaints is taken care of immediately. Those are not good odds, but I’ll take it.
So here’s my top ten list of things I expect my husband to do, and will continue to nag him through the internet, until one out of ten of these is complete:
1.) Not give me the stink eye when I swing the gate open. It’s called a swinging gate, so why should I walk it to its open position. Or, just eliminate all the gates.
2.) Put gas in my car after taking it to the salebarn. I’ll be a poor stay-at-home mom, so it’ll probably be on E anyway, but don’t just put a quarter of a tank in to get you there and back. Fill it up!
3.) Do not, I repeat, do not stay for the small animal sale just because you have my car with room enough in the hatchback for a small animal. It’s for groceries from the grocery store, not sheep, chickens, or any other random animal that might fit back there. He makes jokes about Shetland ponies going for close to nothing all the time.
4.) Sell/Get rid of at least two vehicles/motor operated machines on this farm. That doesn’t mean hide them on your parent’s farm. I know there is one truck over there, and I’m counting it. I’d say two is very generous, since that leaves you with about 30 others. I’m not counting things without a motor currently. Those I will take care of myself. :)
5.) Don’t complain that I hit every pothole in the driveway when we are in the car together. My car is a normal car. It can’t drive through the field in four-wheel drive just to avoid the pool-sized potholes like your trucks, and it can’t float over them like your ten pound Festiva.
6.) Don’t ask me what you think you should do when you have a cow with a giant lump on it’s side. I have no knowledge of these things. I’ll refer to an article that I recently read about a large lump on a woman’s head that turned out to be her evil twin. That is as far as my expertise will go. Call the Howard County Vet - 660-248-3382.
7.) Clean out the garage. I will help, but I can’t tell what anything is. We can organize all of it, and then when you ask me where such-and-such is, I’ll know what it is and where it’s suppose to be. It won’t be there I’m sure, but it will make me feel good to say, “That’s where it’s suppose to be. Check your vehicles, the corral, the whole driveway, or your dad’s car.” Also, I’d just like a place to park my car.
8.) If I have to wear something besides sweatpants or gym shorts once a week, once a week you have to wear jeans without cow poop or grease stains and shirts with no stains, holes, and with sleeves. We’ll call it date day even though we won’t have the money to go anywhere. Maybe we’ll drive over to your parent’s house, eat their leftovers on the deck, and act like we’re at the winery with a scenic view.
9.) Stop calling our unborn child Festus Hagan or I will break the T.V., and you will never get to watch Gunsmoke again.
10.) Remember, if I get cranky and emotional, it’s because I haven’t left the house in a long time. You need to make me leave the house, even if it’s just across the way to watch a Game of Thrones marathon and drink wine from hillbilly glasses at Jessica’s. It’s called socializing, and actually people need to do this to be normal (hint, hint ;)). The sale barn is not socializing.
I’ll let you know which one gets accomplished first. My bet is #10. He’ll want some time to himself too after a week of my “managerial style.” He’ll send me on my way just to take a nap.