“Yep, you’ll make him weird,” chuckles my husband as we discuss my plans for the weekend. My week of being a stay-at-home mom and I’m trying my best to keep my calm.
“What do you mean?” in irritation I barked. “I’m planning fun things: libraries and parks, painting, hiking, learning and fun play dates. Many a wonderful great memories await.”
He says, “Plan all you want, one thing I know, you’ll spend most of your time hovering him though. You’ll beat up little kids that play too rough and never let him play with dirty stuff.
You won’t let him be a boy at all, just your little baby playing with dolls. I’ll have to make sure to toughen him up anytime you leave the house to grocery shop.
Before I know it, he’ll be acting like you, smelling dishes he uses like you do, or getting up early with a smile on your face, being chipper that early is just a disgrace.
He will ask to be held like a baby after a boo-boo. And I’m just not crazy enough to see all my hard work destroyed, so once a day I will take him so he can act like a boy.”
“You’ve just agreed to give me a daily break,” I said with a grin, “and you can’t take it back. But you have no worries about how he’ll act, You’ve already done your damage, that’s a fact.
He demanded an Oatmeal Creme Pie for his breakfast after I’d had a try at making a great homemade feast of sausage and eggs and french toast.
When we went outside, he peed in the driveway. No second to scold before he fled away and blew a snot rocket into the yard without the precision that you’ve worked so hard.
When we went for a walk he came back muddy after jumping and playing in every puddle. He called a cow a name I can’t mention here but it started with a B, does that make it clear?
I tried to get him to play something athletic, but his ability is very much genetic. Just like you’d do, he played for a moment, then started ‘working’ on a toy that will be forever broken.
He then proceeded to break four other toys, and asked, ‘Why can’t I have new stuff like other boys?’ I had to explain, ‘You can’t expect Thomas the Train to pull a toy box just by screaming something profane.’
‘But Daddy does it all the time,’ he said with a pout, ‘He used your car to pull the tractor out.’ I snarled and said, ‘Daddy will pay me back. I’ve been collecting lots of money from his laundry slacks.’”
So, Mr. Stroupe, it’s your turn to watch the boy, I’m running to the bank and he’s had caffeine, so enjoy! You’ve done your damage, and he’s still a monster, but I do the laundry, so I’ll always prosper.