If you’re feeling pretty bummed out about Valentine’s Day - maybe you didn’t get what you wanted or you didn’t get anything at all - I’m here to give you a reality check. Don’t pay attention to all the Facebook posts with roses, chocolates, and jewelry galore. Think about how many friends you have on Facebook or followers on Twitter total. Now, how many of them posted amazing Valentine’s gifts? Probably not even a fraction. The anti-Valentiners are out there. All over actually, but since we just went to work, or stayed home with the kids, or slept all day, you don’t see a big show of it. I’ll explain to you what Valentine’s was at our house, so you'll feel a little better about yours.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband cheerily said, “Next weekend we’re going out. Your mom is watching the kids, and maybe she’ll even keep them overnight so we can get eight hours of sleep. You pick a place where you want to eat and maybe we’ll see a movie or something.”
He was proud of himself for sure, that he’d asked my mom all on his own, until I said, “You know that’s the weekend before Valentine’s day, right?”
Dun, dun, dun.
Crowds, extra expensive meals, and yes, crowds.
“It’s okay, we can still go,” he said with a nervous crack in his voice.
I let him off the hook though. What turned out to be our Valentine’s date, which was not meant to be a Valentine’s date, but let’s be honest, we had no intention of going on a Valentine’s date, was pizza and a movie - at home.
We dropped off the kids at my mom’s house and called in a carryout order at Pizza Hut because we thought this date was suppose to be special, so instead of a Casey’s pizza we went for something more expensive with less cheese like we were in a European country or something. While we waited for our order, we headed over to Dollar Tree, and my husband found his own personal heaven. He was walking up and down the aisles yelling out the deals that he was finding.
“Cookies for a dollar!”
“Popcorn, all kinds of popcorn!”
“Frozen food’s back here! Hmmmm, do you think that would kill me?”
I picked out the valentines for my son’s preschool class as my husband made his way through the aisles grabbing a basketful. I’ll apologize now to a few people:
We then picked up our pizza, got in the car, and before I even hit the highway, I asked my husband to hand me the pepperoni. If you are a person who can drive more than a block with pizza in the car without eating it, you might be a witch. I’ve never had that discipline. We picked up a movie from the grocery store, something that we both could agree on - Whiskey Tango Foxtrot - Tina Fey for me and a war and Billy Bob Thornton for my husband. By the way, it was a great movie, so you should definitely see it.
As we left my mom’s house earlier after dropping off the kids, my mom gave us that expectant, weird, now-go-make-me-another-grandbaby look. HAHAHAHA! Jokes on her. She babysat and I just went home, put on my ugliest PJs, ate almost a whole pizza, and got eight hours of sleep. People are living longer these days; she’s more likely to get a great-grandbaby in her nineties.
If you know me well and think I’m slacking because I didn’t finish the whole pizza in one sitting like you’ve probably seen me do on numerous occasions, I would just like to inform you that I was saving a couple of pieces for breakfast, which I ate cold, so no, nothing has changed. I’m still the gross Elisha that you’ve always known.
My husband picked him up from school because he was coming back from the sale barn anyway. He pulled up to the house in the truck and trailer as my son was putting multiple Valentine's stickers on the windows.
And my husband handed me a Valentine’s gift: A 3 Musketeers. I’ll call it a Valentine’s gift even though on most trips to town he tries to pacify me with a 3 Musketeers, Coke in a glass bottle, or wine in a very large bottle. Since it was Valentine’s Day, I will categorize it as a gift. As my gift to him, I made taco salad (nope, not his favorite, just containing the ingredients that needed to be removed from the refrigerator before they grew arms and legs and walked away). I also bathed his children, folded his clothes, and kept the house at the usual mess it always is, no better, no worse.
He got out of the truck with a large bag from Dollar Tree, so really he bought me a candy bar as an excuse to get even more junk from his new favorite store.
That was our Valentine’s Day! Don’t be jealous of all those flowers, candies, and rings. Be jealous of Dollar Tree extravaganzas, Pizza Hut pizza in the car, and most importantly, eight hours of sleep.